Editing for the Web, Pamela Di Pinto

It is a common fact: online readers want news fast. For this reason, stories for online use cannot be the same as their text- or print-based form. Instead, they must be altered, or edited, for the web, so users can scan through the story quickly while still getting the most important information first.

Although this is an excellent example of investigative reporting, an article from the Montreal Gazette entitled "Runaway prius story more fiction than fact" seems to be nothing more than shovelware, or a news story that has been "shoveled" on to the web without any changes made from its original print version. As mentioned above, news must be edited for online use; individuals who access news from the web differ from those who access news from the newspaper, so their stories should be adjusted accordingly.

To edit this story for better use online, the article should be "chunked," or divided into different sections using subheads. There are clear sections within the article naturally, so adding subheads would help break up the text and make the text more scannable for online news-goers. Remember: subheads should not be written like headlines! They should summarize themes within the story, so the reader knows what to expect further into the story. Bullets can also be used to break up the text, and would work effectively in this story. As well, paragraphs in online news stories should be kept short in length, and concise, to communicate the most important information to readers quickly. The paragraphs in this article do vary in length, however they tend to be around 4-5 sentences each; paragraphs should only be 1-3 sentences for online use. The writing style is also more reflective of a print-based story, with lots of color and personality. Although this can be effective, and definitely showcases the journalist's writing abilities, we again return to the point that online news-goers want information fast! Keep it short, sweet, and to the point, while keeping SEO in mind at all times. Finally, the journalist could have incorporated more multi-media elements into the story, such as pictures and videos, as well as external links to related articles or information on the Toyota recall in general. All of these elements work to paint "the bigger picture" for readers, while encouraging them to do some of their own investigative reporting on the issue too.

Note: Image from akamai.net

Editing for the Web, Steven Wagers

I chose to take a look at the article dubbed "No new snowmobile legislation: Stelmach" on the Edmonton Journal website. The article is fairly well written and I think it has some merit in the online world of media.

The article itself is short, and there is no wall of text. This makes the story very easy to read. The image also enhances the text in my opinion, because it shows the wreckage of the most recent snowmobiling disaster that has caused questions to be raised on this issue.

There were some problems though. There were no bold subheadings meaning the information was not "chunked" which prevented easy access to certain aspects of information. The story was not broken into segments, but because the story was so short, I don't think this is a huge issue.

Quotes were also included in the story, and they add some perspective to the article.

As for grammer and punctuation this article does a fairly good job, for the most part. I was able to come across a few errors though. The biggest one was a case where the author chose to seperate what I believe should be one sentence into two seperate sentences. In the article it is written "I know B.C.’s solicitor general is going to have a look at it. But you know, there’s this balance of common sense." I think it should be written like this: 'I know B.C.’s solicitor general is going to have a look at it, but you know, there’s this balance of common sense.'

Image taken from Gawker.com. The Editor-in-Chief is Remy Stern.

Editing for the Web, Aden Cruz

Online article from the Edmonton Journal.
Re-edited using online editing techniques:

No new snowmobile legislation: Stelmach
By Archie McLean, edmontonjournal.com


EDMONTON — The province has no plans to introduce new rules for backcountry snowmobilers after two Alberta men died last week at an event near Revelstoke.

No snowmobile legislation

Premier Ed Stelmach said the logistics of such regulations would be difficult.

“I don’t know how you would monitor and control all parts of Alberta,” Stelmach said Tuesday. “I
know B.C.’s solicitor general is going to have a look at it. But you know,
there’s this balance of common sense. How much of a risk do you take?”

Deaths

On Saturday, an avalanche tore down Boulder Mountain near Revelstoke during a loosely organized snowmobiling event. Shay Snortland and Kurtis Reynolds, both Albertans, died in the slide during the event, dubbed the Big Iron Shootout.

• 2 people died
• 30 people were injured
• 200 people were in attendance

The deaths have triggered questions about the safety of big-mountain snowmobiling, since avalanche warnings urged people to stay away from those areas.

New B.C. Regulations

B.C. Solicitor General Kash Heed said Monday he will introduce new regulations this fall for snowmobiling in the backcountry.


How/Why this article works or doesn't work:

This article was properly edited for online as the paragraphs and sentences were kept short, they provided links to related stories and information, the headline was short and concise, and use of helpful images were employed.

The article however, did not use bullets and subheads. I have added these to the above edited version. I have also indented the paragraph containing quotes by the Premier to give it emphasis.

Related Links: Cyberjournalist.net - online editing tips

Note: Image Source - http://www.jacconline2.org/images/online_news.jpg

Editing for the Web, Terra Poole

The article, Disgruntled Calgary student in custody after holding secretary at knifepoint, from the Globe and Mail is basically just shovelware and does not really measure up to online journalism standards. This article was likely taken right from the print version and has not been adapted for online. This is evident through several factors including the lack of subheadings.

Subheads

It is very key that online journalists use bold subheadings because it helps break the text up for the reader. People read 25 per cent slower on the web than they do on paper so in order to keep readers interested, breaking up the text is key. Bold subheads are also important for stimulating a person's attention span for longer. Bold subheads help a reader to scan through a story rather than read the entire thing and still get the basic point of the story. This is really important for today's culture.

Headlines

The headline for this article is fairly successful, though for online journalism headlines tend to be shorter. Though, it gains some points because it is direct and to the point. In print journalism, headlines sometimes employ witty puns to catch a reader's attention. That does not work for online journalism, as the headline is the hook that draws the reader into the story. There is an unlimited number of online news articles a reader could read, so having one with a direct, easy-to-understand headline is very important.

The Length

The length of the story, for online purposes, is an appropriate length. It is direct and to the point. The paragraph and sentence length are appropriate because they are able to keep the reader interested. However, this story could employ more search engine optimization words in order to ensure it would be found easier in a search engine.

Note: Image from USA Studyguide

Editing for the web, Katrine Sorensen.

When reviewing the article 'Canadians warned to avoid northern Mexico after killings' from the Vancouver Star, the first thing that came to mind was the length of the article.

Although the paragraphs are short, the reader is forced to keep scrolling down the page to read the text, and the article has not been made more scannable or broken into segments.

Especially linking to previous articles or other webpages could have dramatically reduced the length of the article since the very lengthy background could have been provided externally.

The article is a prime example of shovelware, and is
devoid of non-linear structure.

Writing subheads and giving facts or numbers in bulletpoints could have made the text more easy to read.

That being said, the article conveys the most recent and crucial information well via the bold subhead, headline and lead. The image is also an appropriate size, not too dark or too detailed.

Unfortunately, many readers would quickly lose interest in this article, despite its content, simply because of its layout and structure.

Note: image from questgarden.com

Editing for the Web, Megan Perras

This Edmonton Journal Article by Sandra Sperounes on Lady Gaga follows most of the rules of writing news for the internet.

There are three pictures to catch reader's interest at the top of the article, bringing a visual element to the web story.

The headline contains the name of the artist (Lady Gaga) as well as Edmonton, which would be caught by search engines when people typed in those phrases, yet aside from perhaps being a little too long, the headline still captures interest in the article.

The article is written in short one to three sentence paragraphs, to enable an easier read. It also is written in the inverted pyramid style so that the readers can get the most pertinent information first.

The story is short and succinct and offers factual information as well as opinion, such as her concert dates, and the writer's opinion that she is becoming "a more outrageous version of Madonna."

The article is around 280 words long, which according to D'arcy Kavanagh, is even slightly too long for web news. In his opinion, articles should be no longer than 250 words unless there are visuals or links to break it up.

There are many choices on the web page to link to other articles (written by the same news organization, as well as others on the web) on Lady Gaga.

One may also be interactive with the news article by commenting on what they have read. This also fosters interest from web readers.

They can also link to other entertainment articles and videos of interviews from the page.

Instead of including a summary at the top of the article, the Edmonton Journal employs clear and catching headlines.

There is no use of lists, which would may have worked better for the reader when the concert dates and places were being given.

Image from: http://bpstainton.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/lady-gaga-20080913-4547632.jpg

Editing for the Web, Shannon Findlay

The web requires different editing techniques than a regular newspaper. When writing online, there are different expectations for how the written word should be presented. Using an article in the Edmonton Sun titled "Police chief commends officer whose husband was killed by dealership gunman" we can examine these techniques.

Good Points

• Text should be kept short and to the point, providing the basic information-This article is written fairly concise, it does not go into long elaborate details and the story is conveyed in minimal words.


• Will the reader be forced to scroll down the page?- Do too the adherence to a short text, no scrolling is necessary. All information fits on one page.


• Keep images small to minimize downloading time- this point has been followed well. The image is big enough to tell what it is, but not so large that it takes away from the story or would cause a long downloading period.

Bad Points

• Lists of key ideas- No lists or bulleted information is found in this article.
  
• Frequent subheads within the text- there are no subheads separating ideas in this story.
  
• Quotes or key passages pulled from the text- Nothing has been done to draw the eye in with bolded or larger quotes. It is just plain text.


• Hypertext anchors which link to relevant information- No effort has been made to link away from the story.

**Image from- mardih.com

Editing for the Web, Robert Smethurst

The Edmonton Journals online article about snowmobiles is a classic example of shovel ware. While the paragraphs are small there are no subheadings throughout the entire article. It is a perfectly written article for the paper, but is has no stand out words, no in article links, and nothing to really help with scanability.

However, the text does match the rest of the website, and have provided some really good pictures that compliment the story quite well, but that's about it as far as writing for web goes.

picture

Editing for the web, Jayme Hagen

The New York Times had an article published on its website at 12:13 P.M. The internet has allowed for the constant updates of information and in order for a news site to compete, it is expected to provide news all day long. In order for an article to be put out as quickly as possible, mistakes are sometimes made. Karen Upland, a writer for the Edmonton Journal, admits this does pose some problems and recalls a story of putting a story out which had said a man who was not killed had been killed. They were able to change it when new information came that he was not dead, but for fifteen minutes he had been killed.

The speed at which the information is being put up is a reflection of the readers. The users are able to scan around for the most up to date information with ease. The way that the articles are being written has also changed in order to cater to this. Article's cannot simply be shovelware (unedited from the print versions of the stories) because the readers want shorter, more to the point articles. The article mentioned earlier appears to have paragraphs that are too long in length, especially near the end. The story itself is larger than the textbook recomends as well.

Shorter sentences are favoured over longer ones, and paragraphs should never run more than two sentences. The textbook stresses the idea of a short story, stating a story should never run more than 250 words in length. Readers favour more scannable material, with the important information at the top. While it is a well-written article, and it caters to the inverse pyramid design that is so important, it is well over the 250 words the textbook recomends.

The use of subheads to attract the users eyes to a section of a story that is relevant is also a technique used by most major online publications. This article does not use any bold subheads throughout and as a result is difficult to scan through, unless a person was sitting down and reading the whole article from top to finish, they would probably not bother scanning through this. Since there are many readers who read online in this way, it is important not to alienate this part of the audience.

Another technique the book recomends is the use of lists—readers like seeing lists and bullets. This story does not use any lists or bullets.As an online story, this article does not do a very good job catering to the online reader. It is well-written and would run in a paper, but seems more like shovelwear and does not follow the rules layed out by the textbook on online journalism. The more scannable a story is, the more accessible it is to the online community. In order to make this story more internet friendly it could have used:

• lists or bullets
• bold subheads
• shorter paragraphs
• a shorter length in general
  

Image from PCWorld.

Editing for the Web, Kris Hoyt

I did an article on a recent snowmobile accident.















The headline, "No new snowmobile legislation: Stelmach," is fairly clear. It just talks about the absolute basic point of the article: That Ed Stelmach announced that there will be no new snowmobile laws. The headline could have included a simpler term than legislation, though.





The article is fairly small, with only 168 words. The whole thing can be put into one screen, where anyone can easily look over it in a second and determine important facts. It provides the most basic news story, in this case the government's decision involving snowmobiles, the reasons behind it, and some background information.

The article could be improved, however. It has no subheads, and its links, to the side, are confusing, not giving enough information.

















Link taken March 16/10 at 3:50 pm
Screen capture from EdmontonJournal.com
Picture taken by Jeff Bassett

Punctuation Review, Ricki Cundliffe

a. "We don't know how much longer we can wait before beginning it (the Downtown Revitalization plan the mayor said.

b. It was identified as a Canadian plane but US planes were in the area also Maj Gen Larry Jones said.

c. Did the Dawson Creek Peace River Block News win the photography award.

d. Bob Rock was inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame in 2007 he was also nominated for a Juno that year.

e. The inmate said to the parole board "Jones should not be released from prison. He is a dangerous man. He has told me several times, I will kill again if I get a chance.

EDITED:

a. "We don't know how much longer we can wait before beginning it - the Downtown Revitalization plan," the mayor said.

b. "It was identified as a Canadian plane, but U.S. planes were in the area also," Maj. Gen. Larry Jones said.

c. Did the Dawson Creek Peace River Block News win the photography award?

d. Bob Rock was inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame in 2007; he was also nominated for a Juno that year.

e. The inmate said to the parole board, "Jones should not be released from prison. He is a dangerous man. He has told me several times, 'I will kill again if I get a chance.'"