After 13 days of fighting in downtown Sydney, Australia's most notorious enemy has finally been vanquished due to a swift roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris, on Tuesday.
Kangradile, a mutant cross between a Kangaroo and a Crocodile, was pronounced dead by doctors at 10:43 a.m. due to multiple roundhouse-kick-related injuries to the face, neck, and chest.
The fight broke out when Kangradile allegedly blew up the cafe Norris was having breakfast in on Wednesday, March 9, 2010. Twenty-six people were killed. Norris is the only known survivor of the explosion.
"Chuck Norris only has two speeds," said James Bologne, one of many witnesses to the epic fight. "Walk and kill."
The death of Kangradile comes as a relief to many in the Sydney area, due his constant alleged attempts to destroy popular attractions in and around the city, however police are saying they do not encourage vigilante action such as that which Norris displayed.
"We do not want any citizens participating in this kind of vigilante justice," said police chief Bruce Platypus. "The only reason Chuck can get away with it is because Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night."
Police began to show some frustration when asked if Norris would receive any disciplinary sentence for his actions.
"Are you not listening to us?" exclaimed Platypus. "Chuck Norris has done us all a favour here, and you never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off."
The fight won an award for the longest lasting, most legendary fight between two life forms, a covetted award in 'Ridiculous' magazine.
Image from http://msmills.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/chuck_norris.jpg
Chuck Norris jokes from http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/all-chuck-norris-facts?page=2 powered by spreadshirt.com
Note: Events are entirely ficticious. Names and events were made up, and while Chuck Norris is a real person, he did not participate in any of these particular events, to my knowledge. Sydney is a real place but it is not under threat from a half kangaroo, half crocodile known as Kangradile.
Sydney, Australia is one of the most recognizable cities in the world. Sydney was established by Arthur Phillip in 1788. While it is not the capital of Australia, it is the largest city with a population of around 4.2 million.
Sydney is also home to many sight-seeing locations, like the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and the Sydney Opera House. Both of these locations are some of the most recognizable locations in Australia. If you are an athlete, you may want to check out Sydney Olympic Park, as well.
Sydney Olympic park was the site of the 2000 Olympic and Paralympic Summer Games. If sports aren't your thing, though you can visit Luna Park.
Luna Park is an amusement park with fun for all ages. It has been around since 1935 and provides rides ranging from carpet slides, to a giant ferris wheel, so your sure to be amused.
The weather in Sydney is warm in the summer, cool in the winter, and rains evenly throughout the year.
One should be warned however, that many exotic animals that live throughout Australia and that includes Sydney. Cockroaches are not uncommon, and there are many different types of spiders, snakes, and tarantulas that are native to Australia. It is advisable to be on the lookout for these exotic creatures and to not get too close to them.
No comments:
Post a Comment